Another list of random observations:

1. If you offer up interesting info, usually the other person will meet you halfway. 
2. We cannot control who we love, like, are attracted to, and what makes us happy.
3. We cannot control who loves us, likes, us, is attracted to us, and what makes them happy.
4. Singing and dancing make everything better. 
5. It's hard to really put yourself out there. 
6. Honesty is pretty much always the best policy. 
7. "Fake it until you feel it" can totally work. 
8. Sometimes it is hard to find the positive aspect or silver lining. Still try. It is there. 
9. Sometimes friendships are like relationships. They can take nurturing, hard discussions, and honesty. The good ones will understand this. You don't need the bad ones. 
10. Being a strong woman (or person) is scary to a lot of people. But the ones who aren't scared by that are the ones who are worth your time. 

Pearl Jam and what they mean to me

Pearl Jam. Whenever people ask who my favorite band is, that's who comes to mind. I know it's not necessarily what people expect to hear or the answer that they are looking for. I think they want to hear what I listen to "now" to get a sense of "the kind of music I listen to".

So here's the thing: I like a lot of different types of music. I have yet to find any genre in which I can say in all certainty that I dislike all of. I think music kinda winds in and out of itself, overlaps here and there, echoes across time, and can work it's way into our souls in different and meaningful ways.

Why do I like Pearl Jam? It stems back to young Meredith, who used to hear her brother playing their albums and thinking that that must be the cool thing to listen to (somehow I didn't connect with Rush as well). It stems back to my dance teacher allowing us to explore movement to some Pearl Jam songs. It involves me buying my first full Pearl Jam album for myself at the music store and listening to it alone in my room. Songs that resonated with me and questions about life. Learning guitar riffs so that I could play certain songs on my first guitar in high school. Singing along to "Elderly Woman" at the top of my lungs at a summer camp and knowing I would remember that moment for the rest of my life. It involves memories and dreams, experimental ideas and comfort.

I still feel something every time I listen to them. A lot of somethings, more like. And I still listen to them a few times a year. Mostly when I feel a little lost. I think somehow they always kinda bring me back to who I am.

This album changed my life. When I saw Pearl Jam for the first time live, I cried.

Holding Out for Magic

Maybe just a week or so ago, I decided to pull my profile off of OKcupid and told my mom that I strongly felt that if I was going to meet someone, that it was going to be just living my day to day life. I feel like I have learned lately that anything can change very quickly. I'm not saying I fall fast or am being fickle, but rather that I am opening myself up for the potential that something that I might never expect in a million years could happen to me all of a sudden. 

And guys, it kinda did. 

On Monday night, a person I have not seen in at least six years walked through the doors of a theatre I wasn't even sure I was going to go to. We chatted, ended up going out for drinks with the cast, and then ended up on top of Mt. Tabor with a perfect view of the city with the intent to watch the Perseid meteor showers. 

All I could think of that night, and even now, is that, somehow I was right. Things can change so quickly. And if someone is going to fall for me, they aren't going to fall for me overnight or on a profile, but they will fall because they can see the real and true me. And I think that happened Monday night. 

I only saw one meteor that night. It was after we had packed up and we getting ready to walk back down the dark mountain to the car and I saw it streak across the sky. I got my wish. 

I'm told I'm "too confident"

When asking a guy friend why I seem to have such trouble with men he replied, "you are very confident, that comes off as intimidating to a lot of guys". What am I supposed to do about that? I was hoping for some advice, maybe something I was doing that I could change a bit. But confidence?

So here I am back to the whole, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and maybe a guy will show up that can handle my confidence. Because I'll be damned if I'm going to stop being a powerful and independent lady.

The Emergency Contact

So, a few days ago, a cast-mate told me he had woken up at 5am in severe pain with a kidney stone. He told us that his girlfriend got up and drove him to the ER and had been taking care of him. I was feeling terrible for him and how he was all nauseous and hopped up on pain meds while still being at rehearsal and then I thought to myself:

"What would I do if I woke up at five in the morning in severe pain?"

This brings me to contemplate the ever dreaded Emergency Contact question that you see on so many medical forms you have to fill out. I hate that question. I ALWAYS list my mom because of course I want her and my dad to know if anything goes wrong. But it's not like they are here and can do anything immediate. It's not like they can suddenly drive me to the hospital at 5am.

Now that I'm living alone, I'm realizing I don't even have a housemate to wake up if I ever had a problem. I have several friends I could list but some don't have cars, some have kids, and some live a bit of a ways away. Guess it's a good thing I'm a pretty healthy person (although it is equally awful having to trudge to the store for medicine or food for yourself when you feel like crap).

I don't feel sorry for myself. I'm not trying to complain. Guess this ponderance just came to the forefront of my mind the other day. I might just list my mother forever.