I started the summer feeling like it was a pretty normal and enjoyable summer. I acted in Hello Dolly and directed the Jungle Book for Eugene's Mad Duckling Children's theatre. I enjoyed some time in Portland full of bike rides, zoo-visits, swimming, and bars despite the 2 bee stings and bike crash. I headed to Montana with my parents determined not to let any parts of the summer that might be hard let me down.
After enjoying some great river floats and fly fishing, huckleberry picking, great food, and conversation it began... the summer I think I might not want to remember.
While still in Montana my boyfriend (who I have loved and stood up for in all the hard times) gives up on us... over the phone. I try not to but start crying in front of my parents at the breakfast table before we leave. I try to look on the bright side knowing that eventually I will be fine and get over it but the car ride back leaves me feeling melancholy.
After we got back to Spokane the worst thing of all happened. We received a phone call from a friend of our dear friend who was awaiting a lung transplant. People had been trying to call her throughout the day with no response. My family decided that the best idea was to go and head up to her house to check it out, finding out on the way that 911 had also been called and were on their way as well. I know all of us were going through the possibilities in our head about what we might find but the actuality of what we found somehow seemed so much worse and unreal. I walked into the room with my parents and saw her lying there so peaceful but now, without any breath left in her. Without any life. I looked at her in disbelief that this strong woman could somehow be gone and thought to myself "What am I going to tell my friend?" My dear friend who is her daughter had lost her mother and I was the one there to see what had happened first. What could I say or do? I had to focus on feeling like I was there in the place of my friend since there was no way she could be there at that time. And I had to focus on being there for my family.
So that is what I did. I devoted the rest of my summer to being there for my family. I tried to be the best daughter that I could be in whatever way I knew how while still being true to myself. I tried not to be selfish and to think about what I could give. I tried to be there for my friend even though she didn't always seem like she wanted to talk. I tried to be there for my mother when she seemed to really want to talk about things even if I didn't.
Writing this entry really does make me feel like this blog is my psychiatrist. Well titled I suppose.
The good news is that after I moved past these two especially difficult weeks, I was able to get away with my mom to London and rekindle my passion for theatre and culture with plays and museums. After that I was able to rediscover my love for nature and the outdoors with a trip with my father flyfishing on the McKenzie River.
So here I am in Eugene, having cast the show I am directing this term and feeling pretty good about where I am headed. Sometimes where I am headed is the unknown but I am okay with that too. Here I am in Eugene, Oregon trying to surround myself with people and things that inspire me and make me feel good about myself. I think I'm doing pretty good so far. Mostly, what I've learned after this terrible summer is how truly lucky I am. How strange and how wonderful.
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