Tony Kushner, I Salute You

Dear Tony Kushner,
Thank you for making my job as a director so easy. You have just put all of these beautiful words on the page so that I feel like all the actors truly need to do is say them. How could anyone really go wrong by saying all of those, beautiful words, all of those true thoughts, all of those insights into the human experience?
I tried to think of a sentence tonight that sums up Terminating and I couldn't really think of one because it covers so much of the human experience. There is so much emotion, intellect, self loaded into it that I wonder how I could possibly unpack it into one sentence.
"A play about the human condition", "a play about everything you have ever struggled with", "a play about life", "a play about us, them, and everyone in between".
Tony, I hope that I did you at least an ounce of justice in my directing job. I hope that if you were in the audience tomorrow night, that you could at least look at me and smile and maybe tell your friends over some pie later that night that you thought it was ok.
I hope that I get to work with you again someday, Tony, because, truth be told, there were some hard times, confusing times, enlightening times, frustrating times, but over all I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

That Concert by Myself

So, I bought a ticket to Death Cab for Cutie when they are in Eugene on April 19th. I will have to head over right after I perform my show but I decided that I was just talking about how being alone shouldn't hold me back so I went ahead and bought the ticket. The truth of the matter is that I secretly hope I will run into people I know at the show so that even if I "go" alone I wont be alone during it. I'm sure I will enjoy it either way.
I wish sometimes that I was more of a reason for people to visit Eugene. None of my friends from before I moved have visited me here yet. Yes, I know there isn't much going on in this town but I am here! I like boardgames and wine, I like going out for a beer and some darts, shouldn't I be enough? I have felt lately like I have either been this shuttle for other people or for myself to visit other people. I wish that someone else was a shuttle to see me for once. That would make all of my shuttling more worthwhile. Or something.
I really don't have much to complain about. I think it is just that since I have decided to be here over the summer I really don't want to feel stuck here. I want to feel like Eugene is an enjoyable place to be and to visit. I don't want to shuttle back and forth to get away. I want to be present in my town and in my life.

Directing a Tony Kushner

Directing this show has been very fascinating for me. It's quite the job to direct something that you may never know quite what it means. Kushner is truly an intriguing and smart writer. There is so much buried in the text that it can be hard to get it all out on stage, get people to understand it, and make it look interesting. It's a strong show. I think we've got a hold on it. My cast seems nervous a bit but also really ready to get it on stage and in front of an audience. I'm interested to see how people will react to it.
I keep seeing people change their profile picture or put up new pictures on Facebook and it always makes me think, why do I have no new pictures? I'm sure that it's mostly because I am not good about carrying my camera around. Maybe I haven't done anything fun or crazy enough to really feel the need to document on film. I would like to think it's because I am living in the moment rather than hassling with a camera although I'm not sure that is entirely true.
Last night I had a homework nightmare. This huge, final essay was due right after the weekend in my dream and I hadn't even started the research on it. I woke up thinking I should get my shit together and start that essay so I don't stress about it but also relieved that I have more time.
This week should be a pretty crazy one for me. The show I'm directing is going through tech and dress all of this week and then performing Thursday, Friday and Saturday and my parents are coming to see it on Friday through Sunday. I'm excited they are coming. My fridge looks pretty depressing lately. I still need to go to the store to tide myself over until then. They haven't been here since September too when I didn't know all that much about Eugene. Now that I am more of an experienced Eugenite, I will hopefully be able to show them more fun places to go and whatnot.

Head On

I think that most of the ants in my house are gone. Lately, though, I have been haunted by dreams of large spiders and wolves. I wish i still had my dream book around. As cheesy as it may be, I have an unending fascination with things like zodiac signs and dreams. I don't deny that half the time whatever a book tells you about them is probably not totally true but I think there is a bit of a science to it. There are so many things in this world and beyond that we humans will never understand so who am I to doubt or criticize?
The wolves in my last dream, I think came from this picture I saw in the New York Times about this new art exhibit in the Guggenheim entitled "Head On". It's by this Chinese artist who sculpted/taxidermied a slew of wolves to look like they are running across the ceiling and them slamming into a plexiglass wall. I found the idea pretty intriguing. Clearly; it haunted me enough to make an appearance in my dream.

Oh, to be twenty-something...

Sometimes I realize that I am balancing on this point that is Grad School and that really at any moment I could fall or step off that point. Problem is I don't really know where to step. Lots of things in my life and especially in my future seem unsure. This fact makes me cling to the point a bit though. It makes me want to enjoy that bit of earth that I have right now while it is still under me.
I hope that I never stop getting to know myself and growing as a person. I know that I certainly haven't fully figured myself out yet. There's always a few things that I know for sure and a lot of things that I don't.
I think I want to start doing things on my own some more. I've never been to a movie by myself. Why not go sometime? I brought my homework and some crosswords to a bar last night and drank one beer while sitting in a booth and listening to a sixty year old man play Bob Dylan and Led Zeppelin. I really enjoyed that. I miss seeing live music. Maybe I will find a good concert to go to.

BEWARE Ants!

So, my show has been recast and is going swimmingly and my boyfriend just visited and got a job in Portland for the summer so is moving there from San Francisco in June. What else could a girl want?
I spent some time watercoloring tonight. No reason why. Just because I felt like it. It really was very soothing. I think my biggest problem is that I am not always patient enough to let the paint dry before I add more onto it.
Fixed my bike tire today too which had gone flat for the second time. Now if only I could get rid of the ants in my kitchen completely. Just call me the Hitler of the ant world. I hate any ants that are small, crawling around, and in my kitchen!

Bummer

So, I have to recast one of the roles in the show I am directing right now as one of the guys iis now going to be gone for one of the performance dates. It had been on my mind as a possibility but nothing I really wanted to do as the show looked fine. I have felt slightly worried about being a bit behind in rehearsals but, nonetheless, I feel like I am also surprisingly not that stressed about it. My cast seemed to agree that it was the best move and I followed a lead that may or may not work out to replace him. I'm definitely crossing my fingers on that one. I would love to be able to really work the show on Monday. let's hope that my powers of persuasion are not too poor. Persuasive but not pushy was what I was aiming for.
Please, God, find me a responsible guy to play a deranged man for just this one month. I'll try to be the best little director anyone could ever ask for.