Roses and Tears

This is my guilty pleasure. It's weird and childish, and I know it does not represent reality.

And yet...

Here's the thing: I feel like it is one of the most real shows out there in that it shows some pretty raw emotions that are not normally present in movies or everyday scripted television. It shows people at their absolute worst, most private moments. I'm speaking of when you get your heart broken. The moment when you are hurt and pissed and confused and alone. I find it fascinating to watch. Maybe because I can relate to it. We all can, I think. Everyone's had at least one, if not several, of those moments.

It can be painful to watch, maybe because it is so real at times. Or maybe it's because it's like a car crash or train wreck you can't take your eyes away from.

Do I believe that true love can result from this show? I don't pretend to think that there is anywhere you can or cannot find love. It's always unexpected and unpredictable. Who's to say it can't happen. As happy as I am alone, I think that I also sort of take comfort in the fact that maybe, just by living my life, hanging out in Portland, love might sneak up on me unawares.

The National

If you have never really listened to The National or heard an NPR Tiny Desk Concert let me introduce you:

The National performs for NPR Tiny Desk


Why do I love The National? Their music seems raw, emotional, honest, simple yet sometimes complex, and haunting. Matt Beringer is pretty much a lyrics genius. Sigh.

"Am I the one you think about when you're sitting in your fainting chair drinking pink rabbits?"



So looking forward to seeing them live in September.

Loving My City

I've been enjoying the summer thoroughly and a lot of it is because there is so much to do in Portland. If you were here for a week and I was planning out every evening for you, here is what it might look like:

Sunday: Karaoke at the Alibi with the crew
The Alibi Tiki Lounge

Monday: Bingo & Bourbon at Mississippi Pizza hosted by Brian Perez
Bingo and Bourbon

Tuesday: $2 dollar beer Tuesdays at East Burn or Trivia Tuesday at Sidestreet Tavern
East Burn OR Side Street Tavern

Wednesday: Free concert at the EcoTrust building downtown
EcoTrust Concert Series

Thursday: Karaoke from Hell at Tiger Bar
Karaoke from Hell

Friday: 80's Video Dance Attack at Lola's Room/the Crystal Ballroom
80's Video Dance Attack

Saturday: A round of Par 3 golf and a show at McMenamin's Edgefield
Edgefield


Trust me, you will be exhausted from a week like this, but you will also have the time of your life.

Our Life Is Not a Movie or Maybe

This song, "Our Life Is Not a Movie or Maybe" by Okkervil River is a bit of an oldie but still a goodie. I think I have some emotional associations with this song too. But the reason I post it is not that.

Although I am a drama teacher, I hate any actual drama in my life. I've sure had my fair share of it despite trying to avoid it though. I'd say a majority of my life is pretty drama free but if you look at my 20's in particular, on the whole I think they would play like a bad movie script: lots of ups and downs, trials, love and lost love, hopes and failures, adventure and everyday dullness. I'm not sure what kind of movie it might be. Maybe some terrible romantic comedy where the girl ends up alone in the end? Maybe it's just far from over.

Maybe This Time (or maybe not... dang)

I've had this song stuck in my head a bit this afternoon. Oh, Liza.

Lately I've been wondering, why is it so hard for people to just be honest with each other? Why can't we just come out and say how we're feeling and what's going on? Why do we have to do the dance or play the games? It's been a bit hard lately to finally feel like I'm figuring out what I want and what I need, but that sometimes, you can't have what you decide you want. Am I too honest? Do I need to be holding my cards a bit more close? Maybe next time, I'll play the game.

Soaking it in and breathing it out

Well, I'm fully moved out of my old place and am not far from really having everything put away in my new place. Feels good. Ever since I've moved I've felt a pretty great energy. Like, good things seem to be happening for me. Maybe it's the lack of having a day job during the summer but I've gotten so much done and also had so much fun!

I'm doing my best to live moment to moment. For the first time in a year, I felt a renewed faith in my ability to love and that men can really be great. That has certainly been a relief to feel. I also think my emotions are back which is good news.

What I am trying to remember is that sometimes I will have a great thing happen, and I can't just keep making it happen. Maybe this is a lesson in learning to let go. All I know is, I am ready for someone to really let me in and am willing to do the same. I just need to work on being able to take things in stride and let things be whatever they might be.

Danita came and helped me design and then painted this quote above my bed. 

Nami is already super happy that she gets to go outside. So long crazy bird lady!

I Own a Home

I was finally handed the key to my condo today. I'm finding it strange, not so much to move into a new place that is mine, but to say goodbye to my old house, my old neighborhood, to the life of being a renter, to old memories and comforts, plants I planted and visits to my usual haunts. For so long I was so focused on what was ahead that I didn't stop to think about all of the change I would undergo as I said goodbye.

I bid a fond farewell to the house and my life on 30th and Couch in Portland. It was a great 4 year run. In those four years I truly learned to love this city. I found myself here. I found myself.

Sun, Sand, and... Fireworks

I have not smiled so much until the other day when Jen and I decided to drop in on a new friend's campsite out at Nehalem Bay. The views were gorgeous but the best part was probably the awesome company. It was one of those situations where you don't feel as if anyone is the odd man out. We played bocce ball on the windy beach, frisbee by the bay, caught some crabs in the water, climbed sand hills and huge stumps, took pictures, got pizza, sang along to guitar, and just laughed a lot.

I think this situation reminded me of how it's great to be spontaneous. I wasn't even really sure if I was actually going to stop by the campground and certainly thought it would only be for maybe an hour or so. I was very pleasantly surprised. Sometimes, when you put yourself out there, something amazing might come your way.

I was reminded of a phrase the other day by my housemate's mom when I asked her how she met her husband. She told me "You have to kiss a lot of frogs". It's true. Not just in love, but in life. You've got to really put yourself out there and try a bunch of things and eventually amazing things (like princes) will come your way.