Drinking

I've been thinking a lot lately about drinking. Maybe first I ought to explain my history.

All through high school I was a good girl. I never drank. I hung out with friends who loved to do things like play ping pong and Jenga. Yes, I dated a drummer in a band and became somewhat of a groupie in that sense but I never had a drop throughout my whole high school career. When I talk to other people, it seems this is a very rare thing.

In college I drank very rarely and never did drugs. I almost prided myself on how much money I was probably saving because I never went out to parties or bars and spent money on drugs and alcohol. It wasn't until my senior year, when I was twenty-one, that I finally started going out with friends to drink.

Now, I would say I am a very social drinker. I pretty rarely drink at home alone or go out alone to drink, and I even more rarely drink to the point of getting drunk. I'm pretty great at knowing my limits and when to stop.

So having said all of this, I've been struggling lately with being able to understand those who don't seem to have a limit or have any desire to stop drinking before they become exceedingly drunk. These are people who become drunk to the point of becoming obnoxious, weepy, or needy.

I like to think of myself as a person that has a pretty high tolerance for others, but when I feel that others are not being responsible for themselves to the point that it is affecting other people, I get annoyed. Maybe it's that I am getting older and feeling the pressure and responsibilities so I don't have a lot of patience for the crazy naive drunken binges of others. Okay, maybe I'm being harsh. But I often have to wonder at alcohols amazing and powerful effects over so many people. It has the ability to change personalities, to make people forget, and to make them lose control of their emotions. Maybe I'm just too much of a control freak or have too high of expectations to be okay with that.

Mean Girls

I truly value my girlfriends. I have to say I always have, but lately they have been a particularly wonderful thing for me to have. Today though, I was forced to remember (after it simply popping up in my Facebook Newsfeed) that there have been a few girlfriend relationships that somehow went sour. 

The hardest part about losing these people is that it seemed like several people in my life over the past few years turned against me, all of a sudden, with little or no warning. It is still confusing to me to this day. I've had many conversations with others trying to figure out what happened or what I did and I'm at a loss. The only answer I can come up with is that at some point I was maybe too honest with them. Interesting that honesty seems to be such a fault. 

It's hard feeling like someone's enemy when I never wanted to be in that place (and still don't). I struggle with trying to let go and knowing that I'm okay without people who would do that to me anyways. I know that ultimately I've just got to let it go.

It's always hard to let things go when you saw a glimmer of how great it could be. 

This post is for the many amazing women I've met over the course of my life who have shown me what strength and love truly are.

Everybody Cut Footloose!

So, Dukes turned out to be amazing. It was definitely a skosh out of my comfort zone but in that good and exhilarating way.

The people I went with were all very new friends but so fun and kind to me. They also were all into swing dancing so we did some of that in addition to line dancing. So fun to be with a group of people who all truly love to get out and dance.

At one point I was standing there watching all the people in jeans doing complicated line dances and I had this surreal feeling that I was inside the movie, Footloose. You know, the scene where they go just outside the city limits to a bar that has line dancing and they find out that Willard is actually a good line dancer even though he was pretty nervous to dance earlier on. So, I go outside to see the awesome patio with a huge roaring fire and when I go back inside what song comes on but, you guessed it...

FOOTLOOSE!

So, my partner and I, of course, hit the dance floor with some awesome Footloose swing. It was such a fun night and I felt somehow oddly reenergized. It reminded me how I really value spontaneity, how I like being pushed out of my comfort zone, and how I love to get out and do something active that involves music.

Duke's Country Bar & Grill

So, I'm going to check out this bar for some dancing tonight: Duke's Country Bar

Crazy, right? Looks like it's from another era or part of the country. I love how Thursday nights say that "Cowgirls get in for free". Ridiculous. I will have to report back on this one.

Someone Took the Words Away

Listen to Elvis Costello - Someone Took the Words Away

I've been playing this song a lot lately as I drive in my car to and from work and contemplate life. Love the jazz riffs and beautiful saxophone solo. And what a smooth, buttery voice. This song always makes me stop and pause. Sometimes that is very much needed.

Frost

Poetry always has the power to make my emotions and feelings bubble up. 

My mom recently requested a Robert Frost poem to share with her book club and although I immediately thought of "The Road Less Traveled" (which I love dearly), the following poem always evokes a very clear image and feeling. So, here's to the end of Winter and the beginning of Spring. 


Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening
              
 Whose woods these are I think I know.
 His house is in the village though;
 He will not see me stopping here
 To watch his woods fill up with snow.

 My little horse must think it queer
 To stop without a farmhouse near
 Between the woods and frozen lake
 The darkest evening of the year.

 He gives his harness bells a shake
 To ask if there is some mistake.
 The only other sound's the sweep
 Of easy wind and downy flake.

 The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
 But I have promises to keep,
 And miles to go before I sleep,
 And miles to go before I sleep.

The Art of the Mix CD

I noticed lately that I've felt some sort of lack of being able to express myself and realized this might be in part due to the fact that when I am dating someone, I always make them a Mix CD every few months or so. There's something about going through your music and picking songs that suit how you are feeling and also how you want the person listening to feel.

This, of course stems all the way back to my middle school days when I first learned how to make a Mix Tape. Making a cassette tape was a more arduous/loving process because you had to either catch the song on the radio or go out and buy the album, and then listen to each song the whole way through as you made the tape. The cool part about it was that you really listened to the whole Mix you were making as you made it. You could also record yourself saying something at the beginning. I remember listening to the voices of boyfriends on Mix Tapes I received at the very beginning of the tape tell me something in a kind of coded message just for me. 

Mix CDs are a lot faster and easier to make, but the same idea is there. As you make the mix you leave your imprint simply by the songs that you choose and the order in which you place them in the mix. 

So this month, I'm trying something new. I'm going to make a Mix CD just for me. For the first time it really is not for anyone else. Guess it's more practice in the art of loving and appreciating myself. I know it will make me an even better partner for the next Mixed CD receiver that comes along. 

Used CDs

You know what can always cheer me up? New music.

Not that I was really bummed out but more just looking for a way to occupy my afternoon, so I wandered over to Music Millenium to browse around the Used CD section. There is just something fun and hip and nostalgic about sorting through the collection of bands past.

Found three winners this time: The Cars, Jeff Buckley, and Elvis Costello