Trips

So nice to get away for the weekend. I just went down to San Francisco for less than 4 days and really didn't do all that much but it was nonetheless, very refreshing to get out of town for a bit. I think, in addition to getting to see a very important someone, that the money is also well spent in order to keep me sane.
About San Francisco... my relationship with that city waivers. I started out not liking it very much, maybe because it was taking my love away from me. Then it grew on me. I liked the excitement, the difference from Eugene and other cities I have known. I liked the sort of rush and independence it made me feel I had. Sometimes though, I look at the amazing city on the bay and then I fly back to Eugene and am glad to be home. Maybe it is the Northwest in me. That no matter how nice and sunny it is where I go and whatever feeling it gives me, the feeling I really enjoy is that of coming back to the place where the mountains, the trees, the sea, and the lakes all meet up.
If someone told me to move to San Francisco right now and there was a good reason then I might, but I don't think I would intend to stay there for very long. I like it. But I guess my trips there have led me to the catharsis of the Northwest as my real home.

My Relaxants

You know what is like a drug... baths. Whenever I am feeling lousy I go home and get in a nice hot bath. Somehow, in the warm smellgood tub I feel closed off from the rest of the world and I can just shut out anything else I was feeling before. You know what else is like a drug... chocolate milk. I'm going to mix me up some chocolate milk. Ahhh.

In regards to the last post...

It seems that I totally took my professor's comment the wrong way although several students in the hall have said things to me and seemed to have the same initial impression. I at least feel better now after several conversations over e-mail to clear things up.
Apparently the comment came out of a discussion not directed towards me at all but about all of the grads in our seminar class and not wanting us to "hit a wall" in which we began to hate academia. So, I guess I got on the defensive a little prematurely. I try not to get offended too easily but for some reason this one thing really ate at me all day.
I think what I need is a good trip out of town for a few days to refresh. Sometimes I get so imbeded in this whole grad school business that I bury myself in trying to do everything that I think is right and I forget to breathe.

To my shrink:

Wow. This day has been ridiculous. This morning one of my professors told me right before class that she heard I "hated academia" and that "it was the last place I wanted to be". This comment was really stunning and confusing to me as I feel that I have never said that before in my life. She told me she got it through the grapevine which then scared the shit out of me as my first thought was, "So, you're telling me that all of the faculty probably thinks this about me too?" I had felt so solid in my program until this comment and then I just wanted to burst into tears in that moment of total misunderstanding.
I don't really fully know how to respond to this. I sent an e-mail to her and to the head of the department explaining the situation. She probably didn't even know how much the comment would affect me. What really hurt, is that it seemed like she had this assumption that I don't really work hard at things. That thought also terrified me because I feel like I already give so much of my life to school and studying that I'm not sure how much more effort I would be able to muster without losing it.
I am supposed to direct tonight which at first I thought I would not be able to do but now I really think I just need something to take my mind off of this. I know, I know...I shouldn't let it get to me and professors aren't the end all be all but for my small two year world that is my master's program, they will dictate quite a bit of my life. I feel like some girl everyone is calling a slut when I never even slept with anybody. Okay, maybe a bad analogy. I feel accused. I feel gossiped about. I feel judged. Most of all, I feel analyzed in a way that I am not okay with.
I can't believe this one little comment. This morning I was feeling great about my life and the program and then, BAM!

3 Day Weekend

This MLK weekend feels just like any other to me. I was hoping for a fun adventure but instead am feeling a little trapped in Eugene. The good news is that it will definitely help me focus to get some homework done and also some research for the play I am directing. Actually since I am going out of town next weekend it's probably for the best.
I have been reduced (by the lack of television and want just to veg on the couch for a few hours) to watching Bring It On. What a film. I can't believe there are no Academy Awards for the Best Cheer routine in a film or Best Physical stunt or backbend.
Despite some of the horrendous acting in the film right now I have a deep appreciation for the physicality. I have been taking a Physical Comedy class this quarter and it has been kicking my butt a bit. My core muscles, I'm talking my upper abs, have been so incredibly sore that I feel most comfortable in the fetal position. Most of the things we have to do in class I can manage to accomplish ok. A lot of it is rhythm and group exercises and also some balance stuff like headstands and tripods but yesterday we had to attempt to walk ourselves down the wall into a backbend. Halfway down the wall I started to feel a little bit like there wasn't anything to hold onto to keep myself up and I may have fallen backwards right onto my head. Yup... luckily my partner at the time, Sarah, is amazing and brought me back up as if from a dip. Bet that looked pretty smooth. I'm so cool, I'm so cool.

Day 1- Mr. Postman Brings a Letter (or 5) for Me

Today has been a good day. You know when you have those days where you wake up and feel somehow refreshed about the world, things go wrong, but nothing seems to bother you. It was a good day.
I felt a lot of love through the mail today. Getting mail is practically one of my favorite things in the world. I got mail that I didn't even expect from several people. My parents also gave me a subscription to the Sunday New York Times which is pretty exciting. Hooray for crosswords and theatre news.
I've also felt really happy about where I am lately. Things are coming together with my personal and professional life. I've had this feeling lately that I am on the right track and that those I want to be in my life, on my track, are on it with me. I'm excited to be directing again now and acting again soon. Theatre seems to always give me these wonderful endorphines that make me feel positive about life. I am addicted. Addicted to theatre. Bring on the drug.

My 1st Blog

That title sounds like it belongs in a Baby Book. Yikes.
Well, I am not much of a journal person. I kept a good one for about 5 months a year or so ago but then it fell by the wayside.
I am in the beginning of my second quarter at the University of Oregon in Eugene now. Eugene is growing on me. I remember when we first looked at houses here and even when I first moved here it still felt so foreign to me and I felt out of place in it. It's the first time I have ever felt like that in a city before. I feel like I had adjusted well to both Tacoma and Seattle well. Eugene struck me as entirely unfamiliar and it was hard moving to it without knowing a single soul in the town.
This quarter has gotten off to a better start, I think because I am now feeling more comfortable, involved, and not entirely alone. Thank God for the great group of grad students that entered the program with me this year. They are all exceedingly nice and it is so nice to know that we are all really in the same boat.
Well, I think for now that is a good start to my blogging life. More to come. As my dad always writes in postcards, "To be continued..."