Why I Blog

Whenever someone tells me they have read my blog I always feel surprised. I'm true to the subtitle up above in that I really write mostly for myself and to get out emotions and thoughts. What keeps me consistently writing is that there is this computer documentation of how many times I have posted. That keeps me honest and motivates me to do it more.

So, who cares about a 29 year old single white girl in Portland anyways? I'm not sure. I'm positive my life is not anywhere as fascinating as a majority of blogs out there. But, like I said, I am honest so maybe a reflection of this average lifestyle is at least relatable by others.

I made an unspoken New Years resolution this year to post a total of 50 times. I'm over halfway there and think I can easily reach that goal. I wonder to myself if it's being single that has given me more to say. I don't have a consistent person to share my intimate inner most thoughts with so the computer is a temporary substitute.

I do find myself lately, wishing again that I had that person to check in with, who cared where I was and what I thought, and who I could just look over and smile at as we share experiences. Is there still a deep and lasting, exciting love for a girl like me? Or maybe I'll just keep on blogging.

Election Day in Battle Ground, WA

Today is the day of the levy. I cannot even express how stressed I'm feeling. It was hard to get out of bed today because I think I sort of thought, "If I don't get out of bed, nothing bad can happen and the day can't go on, right?"

I've been amazed at people in many forms lately. I'm amazed at the passion and inspiration so many have shown but also amazed at the ignorance and harshness of others. As I waved signs the other day I was flipped off, honked at, and given the finger several times. I wish people understood that I truly believe I am fighting for everyone in this cause. I want our society to thrive. I believe that without education we're all going down in flames. I am irritated at our government for not directing funds towards education so that we don't have to ask for more money from taxpayers. It is in no way an ideal system. I get that. But at the same time, the last thing I want to do is punish our children and future generations because of that.

If this levy doesn't pass, yes, I will lose my job. But I honestly have to say, deep down, that is not why I believe in passing this levy. I believe in passing it because I want to send a message to our children that we care about them and want a bright future. I think HOPE is a good thing to have. Without this levy, I know I personally will have lost some.

On Teaching

I'm driving home at 8pm after the drama production opens and I've broken down all the mics and sound equipment, stowed the light and costumes, and finally left the building. I'm on my drive home and I start to think about the many things that were said to me tonight, and in particular one student's mom.

She spoke to me briefly about how her son did not enjoy coming to school until I started the after school drama program. I got the sense that she is a mom that has not volunteered at the school often although tonight she is helping me take tickets and count money. I also get the sense that her son probably gets picked on a lot at school. He's one of my favorite kids. Always so kind and thoughtful. I'm sure that other kids make fun of him for being overweight. I'm sure there are some days where he feels strange and like a total outcast and would rather have stayed home.

I'm thinking about this student, this person who I have gotten to know so well this year, who shines in drama class, and I can't help but let a tear slip out. So, I'm sitting in the car crying and I can't help but to say outloud,

"Why do I have to care so f***ing much?"